It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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