I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
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I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
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I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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