another moral hangover. fuck.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
