she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So apparently I’m into choking now
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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