I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
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There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
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pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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