I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
