I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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