It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
