I think my fart just growled at me.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
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