If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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