can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
