I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
