Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
