Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Operation Purity has been aborted
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
