The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
