Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
