You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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