I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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