Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
