I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
