what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
