I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
