I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
