I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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