Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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