Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
