Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize