he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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