the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's blow job season.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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