My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
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I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
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Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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