I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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