I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
