we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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