please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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