I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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