His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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