I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
