You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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