Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
