I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
