"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
