so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
