I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
My apartment stinks of burning failure
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
