saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Watching her eat just hurts me
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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