you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
