Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
