I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
