in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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