Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
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I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
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You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize