I murdered the dance floor call the cops
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
