I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize