Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
