Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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