i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
