Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
