There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
