i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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