I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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