Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
