Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
