I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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