I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
