just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
