I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
