I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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